Lost in Love

About loss, heartbreak and feeling like everything’s unfair - accompanied by a constant, heartbeat-like pulse, 7th chords and close vocal harmonies.

I sit in the corner watching you go by. I sit, with my mouth closed, wanting to ask why. Do you think about me in the mornings? Do you wonder what it’s like to be… brokenhearted, back to where I started.

I’ve walked so many roads, been searching for a smile. I’ve crossed so many paths, been walking for a while. And even though my story tells a pretty tale. The one I want to write now; me standing in the rain.

Brokenhearted, back to where I started. Brokenhearted, is love like this always the hardest?

Always the hardest, cause you said you loved me.

©️ Jess Deacon 2018

First written as a response to an assignment while studying composition with John Psathas at New Zealand School of Music. Developed as a song for this EP. The purpose of this song was to find and make note of the voice within that said “it’s time to love yourself, no matter how long it takes.” It’s a push-pull conversation with self; a representation of the power of our own inner monologue

I found a way to settle down. No more spinning around, my darling. I found a way to realise that what you’re telling me is all lies.

How can you tell me these things that make me follow you, do you tell me these things that make me swallow you and tear me up inside?

How can I get rid of you tonight?

I’m wondering how you let me down when all was said and done, my darling. I’m walking on, I’m looking out. But here I go again tonight.

I’m caught with you, I’m caught with you.

©️ Jess Deacon 2018

A song to the universe. Written while still single, but knowing the kind of person who would make the perfect partner in life. It’s a half time feel, anthem-like tune with bold vocals, feel-good harmonies and a great groove.

It’s in the way you show me that there’s light. It’s in the way you told me that we might. It’s in the way you take me to the edge, and make me want to know about the rest.

Will you be my wanderer tonight? Will you be the one who makes it right?

It’s in the way you comfort me at night. It’s in the way we talk beneath the moonlight. The battle grey, the way we say goodbye. Of words and murmurs, please let’s just be they.

Will you be my wanderer tonight? Will you be the one who makes it right?

©️ Jess Deacon 2019

About self-reflection and confusion. Holding people to account and knowing you’ve done all you can. This song is written as if it’s a happy song. A touch of sarcasm and a feel-good groove offering a juxtaposition against the lyrics within.

Do you remember what you said, that night we first met? And I know you felt it too - a little lust, some more of me and you - but darling, do you still want me in the morning? I used to say I didn’t know, but oh man it’s the camouflage that suits you so. Is it yes or is it no? Eyes spark up when the light is low, but darling, do you still want me in the morning?

In the morning, head’s clear but you’re not there. Am I a fool cause I see you everywhere. In the morning, it’s not fair, don’t leave me hanging there.

So this is all I know for now. Is there a way we can work it out somehow? You’re on my mind, am I wasting time? It’s all for you, so tell me, do you still want me in the morning?

Rebellion, bold determination, and a little bit of “f*ck you” is really, really good for the soul. This is an upbeat, cathartic, pseudo-rock anthem in 6/8.

You’ll find me standing behind the door. Peeking out from time to time. I can’t decide why I don’t like you anymore. Maybe it’s cause you said that it would be fine, that it would be fine.

It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it before you let me think. It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it as you fixed yourself a drink. It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it as you looked out the window. It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it before you let me say no.

You don’t want me, and you don’t need me. But don’t you worry, I’ll be fine.

It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it as you walked down my driveway. It’s not what you said it, it’s how you kept talking about coming back round to my place. It’s not what you said, it’s how you stood in my kitchen and did my dishes. It’s not what you said, it’s how you hear me but you don’t actually listen.

You don’t want me, and you don’t need me. But don’t you worry, I’ll be fine. I will be fine, I will be fine. I’ll change my mind in time, and I will be fine.

©️ Jess Deacon 2018

A song to reflect on a lost relationship. Admitting defeat, accepting reality, getting ready to move on. It has a subtle bossa feel and gives a nod to a jazz influence.

You and I, we are sometimes what I would like to say is something more. I wanted something more.

Watching, waiting, hoping when, fingers lightly on my skin, would make me smile.

It’s painted on, our love is gone, we’ve lost the fight.

You and I go by the by from time to time, and still we wonder why. Still we wonder why.

Watching, waiting, settled in. Heated words as they walk in. But still we smile.

It’s painted on, our love is gone, we’ve lost the fight.

You and I we’re still apart in days gone by, and still we wonder why. Still we wonder why.

Wanting, waiting, that was then. Thoughts of you are slowly wearing thin. The light goes dim.

It’s painted on, our love is gone, we’ve lost the fight.

©️ Jess Deacon 2018